My mom and I have both been sick all last week. Strange that it makes me feel so calm.
Again: Not being able to read on screen well.
Please forgive the typos. Right now, my vision is great. Then the right eye, will catch up to 20 years of laziness and drop back. The level seems to depend on the distance from the hits of some of the drugs. Right now, the coverage of color of the text is affecting my focus. The irony, I cannot remember how to change the back ground of the screen so the light does not show itself so bright. Man, we all have our weaknesses. Tomorrow is my last day at another lower dosage of the drug I cannot remember of which I remember the name. A bit lower for another 4 days, then I think I get to go to half a pill. That one, I know I can handle well. I am also up-ing another drug that my other friends have been at the high level before. I think it is working well, I just need to get words down.
Something lovely happened the last 48 hours with my love and my family. Steve and I are feeling stronger and more in love. We seem to not be in fear , but rather to take off into the world of what treatments are there out there. We were not getting along for a few hours this morning, just dealing with the kids. My mom, Clark and my beloved aunt came in and Steve immediately felt taken care of, he remembered what a glorious family I have. And he remembers every time he sees them. He saw them for hours in July, still not enough for that soul. He loves the feeling of the house with anyone from our family around. It makes him feel that there are those he can trust. He worries about me 24/7, but anytime there is a relative, he knows he can trust. It is a true gift. I will say this every day, Steve had always felt at home with my family. Just a gift.
I still cannot well review what I am writing. So I really cannot see words in order yet. I am hoping as I go off the higher dosage (just found it written down: decadron) I hope I can write better. Alas, I can write, but it is terribly challenging to understand words.
One of the gifts I received today was from another glioma girl. She knew I would not be able to read it well. I caught enough for her to bond over the on and off life of steroids. She knows I won’t be able to get it for another day or two…or maybe with some kind of mellow action. But the note there meant a lot.
We all so lucky to find people who know us for better or for worse. For me, today, my day was filled with love and joy. When Steve saw the group looking after us, just hanging out and playing cards with Paco, he could stop worrying about what we were doing. He loves the notices that my mom is with me. He loves that from the first time he ever joined the family he was protected. Right now, I can think of a few family members that all need a hand of something from all of us. Me, I actually hope to do something for another person in our family. That just seems an honor to help the others for a while.