My Mother is Worried

With her, one always has to show a lot of stress. She has seen a lot of the world and simply learned to understand what is grand, vs. what is harder. This one she nailed it. She send me a small email and I could tell that she knew. And just like that she made me feel stronger. Just like that.

The things that I am dealing with seem to be minor in the big picture. To find the small amount of independent cancerous cells is actually worth celebrating. But for the last two weeks, I have been overly freaked about the regular signs of (OK, I cannot think of the word, but it is what happens to most woman when they get too older-ly to carry a baby). Any one who knows me, know I am a nut for words. This place, this blog is a true test of how I am doing. Not the writing, but rather the words that I would have put in a blog. It just shows that the latest surgery, as fantastic as it was…had a side effect.

So here is what I am happy about. My husband. Man, I found the right man. Secondly, my kids, that I can drop at a numerous neighbors and families for any reason is a small issue (ugh, Aunt Pat, watch out on that one). I am so lucky.

The sad part is that my mom knows we too well. She can tell by what I write or the anything, she knows. For her it is normal concern. For me, it is a gift. She checks here every night. Even if she deals with the theme or the intimacy, she tries to fix a grammar error or something. To me, there is no better soul. I know I could have asked her to show up for anything. This issue right now is just a mental phase. She was worried. For every slightly thing I wrote, she wrote me a delicate curious email. She is a gentle searcher.

So I have been frustated with the side effects. Bea is outside the country or else I would have met here half way between, talking about what she has already gone through. But that is the amazing thing. This summer is hard. Those (except my awesome sister-in-law) who I am closest to all seem to be traveling. And this is nothing. Serious, this is an issue of handing two, no three issues. One, Paco is sick of me. Two, playing with post surgery drugs to help me deal with the side effects of my age balancing a surgery,. And three, Steve is in the happiest drive of his life. He rushed home to be with me and help with the kids and then turns around and works in his best job he has ever enjoyed.

So here we go…yes there is debt due to Steve agreeing with me to stay on post his old job Kaiser (A long story)…but really, really. I cannot complain too much. I simply cannot.

I’ll work on it for tomorrow though =)

PS: Mom, I love you and am happy to drive you around tomorrow, Nice to do something for you for a change.

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