I happen to have a urinary tract infection (please imagine me giggling as I write this). It is my first one, ever. I am taking a lot of benadryl and an antibiotic drug. Years ago, I got rashes from three different drugs. So I am trying the one that I took on the way to Buenos Aires almost four years ago. As a result, I am mentally preparing for a rash. About 18 mos ago, we had black mold in our former rental. I lived with the rashes and the steroids to help combat the black mold vs. Temodar. I had to report in to UCSF every minute about the rashes. And I soaked in lavender water at 3 AM many nights.
I seem to have blocked this. I don’t think that is a a poor thing to do. Steve, poor Steve, cannot move past those times. And I see why. He holds on to the past better. I only seem to hold on to the past when I want to prove someone wrong about something they said to me. Steve usually remembers the better sides. But when it comes to me and Cancer, I think he simply gets sad. It is only those watershed moments that he remembers the unhappy events. Still I cannot imagine what it would be to be the primary income earner and come home to an exhausted wife and chaos. We are both looking for an hour off at the end of the day. But really, we also need an an hour apart and an hour together every day.
I think this is where Bea has it well-planned. They are having the busiest travel summer ever. She is accompanying her husband on many work trips. Her folks and her in-laws are taking turns with Bea’s son so the parents can have peace. She is taking her boy with her when it is appropriate.
And Bea is to whom I need to follow more. She, took every drug on more powerfully than I did. She took advantage (and still does) of the opportunities the grandparents could provide. She got through a hugely heavy load of drugs and is open-minded and seizing the day. I don’t seize enough opportunities. I simply do not.
Bea balances the stress of carrying around the empty nest of a tumor with having a son and a long hour working husband. And she sets a good path to follow.