When I think about the last 8 years of life, I get confused. I had received a lay-off package from EDS to stay in the Bay Area, Paco came and I made friends through a yoga mommies group. One of the women turned me on to Susy Dorn’s classes: http://www.letsplayinspanish.com/404.html
I was really just killing time until I could work on beebee number 2, and in the mean time, I met more hispanic friends, started to attend a Catholic church which I was ok with, I started to pull out of my life of training Paco. He started in school right and I started to learn Spanish. The passion of Spanish stayed with me, strongly.
Argentina Spanish. As my word-i-ness grew and we became good friends with the awesome families from Rosario and Corrientes and of course, BA. These 6 women, specifically, seemed to push me on the plan and off to immerse. Marilú, Beatriz, Julieta, Carolina and Perla. For me, the taught worldliness, the ability to overcome, the ability to blend and always rise above, the ability to be faithful, and the talent to be what it is. I am not shy, I speak mild Argentine Spanish which is a go, and the extrovert’s nature has paid off.
In between the time (year 2005-008), the miscarriages and shots of infertility emotions (to make another baby) took most of my soul, or I should say let the idea of loss govern my dream. I also had wonderful work-contracts with 2 of my outlaws that helped my brain stay en focus.
Steve’s dream has never been the same, but he did know mine. To have children, live overseas for a time, and be number 19 in a cousin of 20.
I had held pushing on getting the 2nd baby, because when Steve worked at eBay, he did not love his job. Things were not worked out the way they were meant to be. When he was laid off (I swear, he is relieved to this day), he had enough new business that he was able to hold. Thanks to $15,000 per year, we have kept our Kaiser Insurance alive. He has a job (that he enjoys a great deal) now that has decent benefits. Alas, no Kaiser. But with my situation, there is no value (to us) in moving insurance around. When I hit 40.5 years, I am eligible for National Sr. Advantage with Kaiser. Whew. I cost Kaiser so much in the last 2 years that I think our COBRA payments are less than 10% than the true cost to Kaiser.
Steve loves Kaiser, California, and my huge family.. I speak Spanish, have a step-dad and a father-in-law and a mother-in-law where I learned about the wider world.
We celebrated (hah!) our marriage May of 2001. Steve and I have broadened our horizons together. Despite down days up, he says I am stuck.
I am sure this post is not too sensical, but it is more based on what would I have changed over the last decade or so.
When I started to write this, I was in tears. I was so frustrated and worn out that I wanted to crawl into bed, no , no, rather I wanted to jump on an international flight, somewhere (that is always in my head). Please understand, I don’t think I am dying today, but the redo surgery does seem to make a bucket list more important to me than once was. [As I said before, this page is therapy.]
Today. What I married is therapy.