Monthly Archives: May 2011

What an Odd/Honorable Thing to Have

We made the decision to move to Davis because of the school district. The Spanish Immersion school was the main goal for the move. Davis was on the list as a place where we could afford to live, have a good school district and Steve could travel. The idea was, down the line, I would work to find a job at UCD. It is close to my family and some of our closest friends. Paco would have a great public education and Steve would be close to the Sac airport. Carmichael just seemed too far for the drive to the airport. And then, if we wanted to, Oakland was close to move to if Steve found a job in the Bay Area. But at the time, he was working independently and traveling for work, working at home.

That was the purpose.

The payoff, whew. Incredible.

I want to spend time over the next week telling a story of someone doing something small,  but really having a huge impact. I could write all night. But tonight, I have to write about a specific honor today.

All week, fantastic abuelo Miguel has taken care of collecting Paco at school. I think I may have got him one day or delivered him, but I really don’t remember. Something about today, the weather the late release of class by Sr. Nelson just made me feel incredible.

“Abu” had gone with Steve to Reno on a day work trip. They left early. I took Paco to school, and Hoodi/Aba had taken Lemon (he only cries when I take him). This afternoon, I picked him up. Between the morning and the afternoon, I saw many of the parents that I had not yet seen this week. On the way across the street, a mom (fellow baseball mom) and I checked in. She asked where I was originally from and it turns out she was from Loomis and had been a swimmer. She is my brother’s age, 4 years older than I, so we missed the competition era. I explained that I had the chance to swim in those days, despite my slowness because I could do the 200IM and butterfly. She told me when my head was healed, she expected me at the swim master’s program. She said it a manner that felt like I was wanted in the pool. She was casual and encouraging. This is walking from our house across the street to the school.

From then on, all the people I knew simply expressed a happiness to see me. This afternoon questions about how fast I was up and walking, how awesome I looked because I had a hat on to cover the 40 stiches but was wearing pearl earrings. How much everyone wanted to put a big black dot below my ear to show the stitches as a question mark on my head. (Yes, VT tomorrow you can).

Paco’s class got out late and for ten minutes, while we waited, no one grossed out. Everyone expressed interest in the markers and laughed with me that I was forgetting words they had long forgotten. Paco got out and for 30 minutes I let him play while parent after parent came up to me and checked my head and gave me compliment after compliment. Instead of being babied or pitied, I was rooted for. No one was grossed out, demeaning or feeling sorry for me. Rather, it was being cheered on to just keep fighting away. It was simply inspirational.

I think the magical piece of the community side of Davis is that many understand what the power of good words can be. Today, one of the moms told me “’I’m glad to be in a community not only where you can count on others to help, but where everyone feels like they CAN help. we’re not alone, we’re together.”

“We all hope to deal with Big Scary Things as well as you do. it’s scary to think about, and it’s powerful to share it.” She said this. OK, wrote it. Directly. The power of a compliment.

The highlight of the afternoon was seeing my good friend VT again. I had not seen her in over a week, and between baseball and school, before surgery, I had been seeing her 5 days a week. While I was in the hospital, she and I had sent each other sarcastic, teasing texts that simply reminded me of a good world. She came up behind me with a huge hug and I felt…at home.

Too drugged

I have been working on writing for a while with saving issues. Strange, but considering the level of drug influence I have (vicodin) it is not a surprise.


I am way too high. I just made Lemon hug everyone at temple. Sent from my iPhone

Up and Down of Life

When I think about the last 8 years of life, I get confused. I had received a lay-off package from EDS to stay in the Bay Area, Paco came and I made friends through a yoga mommies group. One of the women turned me on to Susy Dorn’s classes:

I was really just killing time until I could work on beebee number 2, and in the mean time, I met more hispanic friends, started to attend a Catholic church which I was ok with, I started to pull out of my life of training Paco. He started in school right and I started to learn Spanish. The passion of Spanish stayed with me, strongly.

Argentina Spanish. As my word-i-ness grew and we became good friends with the awesome families from Rosario and Corrientes and of course, BA. These 6 women, specifically, seemed to push me on the plan and off to immerse. Marilú, Beatriz, Julieta, Carolina and Perla. For me, the taught worldliness, the ability to overcome, the ability to blend and always rise above, the ability to be faithful, and the talent to be what it is. I am not shy, I speak mild Argentine Spanish which is a go, and the extrovert’s nature has paid off.

In between the time (year 2005-008), the miscarriages and shots of infertility emotions (to make another baby) took most of my soul,  or I should say let the idea of loss govern my dream. I also had wonderful work-contracts with 2 of my outlaws that helped my brain stay en focus.

Steve’s dream has never been the same, but he did know mine. To have children, live overseas for a time, and be number 19  in a cousin of 20.

I had held pushing on getting the 2nd baby, because when Steve worked at eBay, he did not love his job. Things were not worked out the way they were meant to be. When he was laid off (I swear, he is relieved to this day), he had enough new business that he was able to hold. Thanks to $15,000 per year, we have kept our Kaiser Insurance alive. He has a job (that he enjoys a great deal) now that has decent benefits. Alas, no Kaiser. But with my situation, there is no value (to us) in moving insurance around. When I hit 40.5 years, I am eligible for National Sr. Advantage with Kaiser. Whew. I cost Kaiser so much in the last 2 years that I think our COBRA payments are less than 10% than the true cost to Kaiser.

Steve loves Kaiser, California, and my huge family.. I speak Spanish, have a step-dad and a father-in-law and a mother-in-law where I learned about the wider world.

We celebrated (hah!) our marriage May of 2001. Steve and I have broadened our horizons together. Despite down days up, he says I am stuck.

I am sure this post is not too sensical, but it is more based on what would I have changed over the last decade or so.

When I started to write this, I was in tears. I was so frustrated and worn out that I wanted to crawl into bed, no , no, rather I wanted to jump on an international flight, somewhere (that is always in my head). Please understand, I don’t think I am dying today, but the redo surgery does seem to make a bucket list more important to me than once was. [As I said before, this page is therapy.]

Today. What I married is therapy.


I just got out of bed

In-laws rock!


I have a headache. I had a good day. It was weird. Lemon headed to his nursery school today. I took him and walked home, walked to the market and I was…free. It was so weird. In over 2 years no appointment scheduled today, and Lemon at a regular nursery school he loves. It was a strange, strange feeling.

Paco was exhausted and there was true temper issue. I held myself (as did the grandparents) for some time. No screaming from our end. But oh my. Being on the steroids and keeping my temper was incredibly intense. But holy cow. He was hungry. He had not eaten well all day. Then, upon finally calming, he ate 3 full bell peppers. And some chicken.

I had in my head a wonderful piece about the way words are used. But seriously, I am proud of myself today as to what words I did not use. Now, can I get the stress out?