I think I have to say goodbye to coffee. At least for a few days. I woke up on Lemon duty and was a fighter. This is not uncommon. But Steve needed sleep and I closed doors, etc. (Now, prepare for the icky zone:) I pooped twice (fast due to keeping Lemon quiet). Then one hour later, as we were two houses away, I pooped. I could not hold it nor could I do much. I was grateful to be 2 houses away.
I had told Lemon no Diego this morning, Well, that policy changed. I had to wake Steve up, give him the warning, then solely depoop myself in the bathroom. The underwear was tossed, and so were the shoes, but I rinsed and washed (several times over) those things I knew I enjoyed wearing. I cleaned up the entire bathroom, which had poop everywhere and wiped all the major pieces off my waist. Then I showered for a long time.
The clothing was washed a lot and my family is good. I think there is a good lesson of humiliation here. I had to cancel having someone over for dinner and I took a lot of anti-diarrhea pills today. And I did freak out a bit. But after the shower and seeing Steve most of the day, I felt at ease. I was just looking for the battle of non-pooping in the bathroom, and I realized the volume of pills I have in my purse. They are in there. But it was because last year I took ant-diarrhea drugs 4 times a day. Eight in total, on a regular day. As I type this I think, wow. I had totally blocked all that out of my brain.
So I ate a bit tonight and the hot flashes were here and I am shivering. But who knows what, in my brain, has been shoved around again. But every day, I am so grateful for my husband. He is…Mine.